Cigarette Earrings and Female Rivalry
I was recently in the toilets of a local pub with one of my best friends (where some of the best stories begin, I swear). She's definitely one of the coolest people I know, and this particular night she had a single cigarette earring dangling from one ear and a purple jewel stud in the other, with a stud and chain in her second lobe piercing.
I should also mention she's planning to wear a suit to her Archery Ball, consisting of black platform heels, tight black leather pants, and a baroque burgundy blazer with nothing underneath. She's basically the definition of confidence.
Now, any woman who's been out clubbing knows that bathrooms are where friends are made. And these two slightly tipsy women approached my friend and immediately started fawning over her single cigarette earring, asking if they could take pictures of it, where she got it, was it real? I stood back and watched this merry scene with a sense of realization washing over me.
So much of my high school career I saw and heard girls tearing other girls down, friend or foe, it didn't matter, because at the end of the day every girl is in a competition. But what were we competing for? Well, it certainly wasn't best grades or top of the class. It's a shame to see so much time and energy wasted on destroying the confidence and reputations of other girls, when our lives are difficult enough as it is. Life is not a movie, but Mean Girls captures (and caricatured) the daily female struggle I saw in the hallways. Girls acting catty, ganging up on each other, starting and ending friendships and relationships based on petty minutiae, and worst of all, comparing themselves to each other every chance they got. It's bad enough the boys would rate us behind our backs and talk about which one of us they would rather date (I'm sure we've all heard of the ingenious game Marry, F*ck, Kill), so why did we feel the need to participate in our own way?
No. No, no, no. We're better than that.
Just a couple months ago, I was shopping by myself and upon walking into Target one of the female staff members called out, 'I love your dress! It's so cute.' To which I replied, 'awh thanks! I really like your boots - they look great on you.' Moments later, another female staff member complimented me on my dress and cardigan, saying the 'fall colors' looked great together.
This is what we need more of.
We need more women in the bathroom asking for fashion advice. We need more women complementing each other on their outfits (#OOTD). Because these are the stepping stones. To girls standing up for each other on the playground, in the cafeteria, in the classroom. To college girls making sure their friends get home safely. To women supporting each other in the office, in male-dominated board meetings, on the streets brimming with harassment and threats and female fear.
It starts with one person.
So be that girl who says 'no' to the bully. Be that women who compliments the stranger on the street about her boots or hairstyle or athleisure wear. Don't be afraid to tell your best friend that you love her. And don't be afraid to reach out to her when you need a little love and support. We all get down sometimes, but it doesn't help anyone if we tear each other down even further.
Women and girls have a long way to go. So, lend a hand to a fellow female so we can eventually rise together. That's how we'll get there one day. Together. Hand in hand.
(For more on this, I highly recommend watching TEDxRVA Girl Up: The Secrets to an Extraordinary Life by Courtney Ferrel)
I should also mention she's planning to wear a suit to her Archery Ball, consisting of black platform heels, tight black leather pants, and a baroque burgundy blazer with nothing underneath. She's basically the definition of confidence.
Now, any woman who's been out clubbing knows that bathrooms are where friends are made. And these two slightly tipsy women approached my friend and immediately started fawning over her single cigarette earring, asking if they could take pictures of it, where she got it, was it real? I stood back and watched this merry scene with a sense of realization washing over me.
So much of my high school career I saw and heard girls tearing other girls down, friend or foe, it didn't matter, because at the end of the day every girl is in a competition. But what were we competing for? Well, it certainly wasn't best grades or top of the class. It's a shame to see so much time and energy wasted on destroying the confidence and reputations of other girls, when our lives are difficult enough as it is. Life is not a movie, but Mean Girls captures (and caricatured) the daily female struggle I saw in the hallways. Girls acting catty, ganging up on each other, starting and ending friendships and relationships based on petty minutiae, and worst of all, comparing themselves to each other every chance they got. It's bad enough the boys would rate us behind our backs and talk about which one of us they would rather date (I'm sure we've all heard of the ingenious game Marry, F*ck, Kill), so why did we feel the need to participate in our own way?
No. No, no, no. We're better than that.
Just a couple months ago, I was shopping by myself and upon walking into Target one of the female staff members called out, 'I love your dress! It's so cute.' To which I replied, 'awh thanks! I really like your boots - they look great on you.' Moments later, another female staff member complimented me on my dress and cardigan, saying the 'fall colors' looked great together.
This is what we need more of.
We need more women in the bathroom asking for fashion advice. We need more women complementing each other on their outfits (#OOTD). Because these are the stepping stones. To girls standing up for each other on the playground, in the cafeteria, in the classroom. To college girls making sure their friends get home safely. To women supporting each other in the office, in male-dominated board meetings, on the streets brimming with harassment and threats and female fear.
It starts with one person.
So be that girl who says 'no' to the bully. Be that women who compliments the stranger on the street about her boots or hairstyle or athleisure wear. Don't be afraid to tell your best friend that you love her. And don't be afraid to reach out to her when you need a little love and support. We all get down sometimes, but it doesn't help anyone if we tear each other down even further.
Women and girls have a long way to go. So, lend a hand to a fellow female so we can eventually rise together. That's how we'll get there one day. Together. Hand in hand.
(For more on this, I highly recommend watching TEDxRVA Girl Up: The Secrets to an Extraordinary Life by Courtney Ferrel)
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